From the Inside Out

Wrote this a while back when life was a little hard on everyone.

Hillsong United - From the Inside Out
**Dedicated to a friend of mine. Be strong & keep going.  No matter how many times you’ve failed, things will work out & all will be well. Just you wait & see (:

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again

Still I’m caught in your grace…

…Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise…

        I started off my day with a lot on my mind. I woke up with a sad feeling from a dream I had and to be honest, I wasn’t bothered by the sadness that I was feeling because it quickly disappeared, but a thought was the thing that was lingering afterwards. That one thought soon turned into many thoughts and soon I was trying to unknot all these ideas in my head just as I was getting ready for church & on my drive down to church. It’s funny because I knew I always had a lot of things to think about, but it’s been a while since I’ve felt so overwhelmed with so much to think about. It really takes a lot out of you, physically, emotionally & mentally, when you choose to deal with things on your own & my thoughts are the one thing I feel like I have to deal with on my own.

        So as I entered church late today, I walked in to hear the past half of the message that was given. Still being so absorbed in my thoughts & feeling so overwhelmed & ready to give up, break down & just crawl back into the comfort of my own bed & corner, I wasn’t really listening to some of the stuff that was being said. It wasn’t until I actually read, not looked or stared at, but actually READ the words that were taken from a passage in the bible & projected in front of me that I realized what was being said.

⁷ …Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

The last sentence was the main thing that stuck to me.

For when I am weak, then I am strong 

I dont know why, but this was the one thing I remembered & that stuck with me from today’s message. It’s funny because I was so consumed by this phrase that all the things that had invaded my mind were completely thrown out & replaced with this ONE phrase. I asked myself over & over again, “What does it mean?” and the final answer that I came up with was this: If you are at the lowest of lows, then the only way to go is up. When you are weak, yes, you are vunerable & delicate, just like clay. Clay is a dirty, muddy and flimsy substance, you have to build it up and form it with your own hands. Every little dent and curve you put on there is created and molded by your own experienced hands, but depending on the person, you can keep the clay in its ugly color or liven it up with some decoration & color. Of course, in order for the clay to officially become something strong and full of purpose, it has to endure hardship and bake in the blazing hot kiln. Once it’s time, the clay will emerge out of the kiln much stronger, sturdier and more stable than before.

      I don’t know why or how I came up with this metaphor, but it really helped bring my mind back down to Earth. It reminded me that I am only one person, with one mind, one heart and one life. I can only do and think about so much and yes, I do think about a lot of things. I think about my life and my purpose for it, my friends and family and the problems that surrounds them, the struggle and fight that I have to put up with all the other things & people around me, but that doesn’t mean I’m weak. This phrase also made me realize that I am not always strong & maybe I’m at a weak point in my life right now, who knows? But if I am at that point in my life, that doesn’t mean that I will continue to be. When I thought back to the main things that were bugging me this morning, they were mainly about my purpose in life and where I stood now and what I was going to do next. I haven’t exactly found the answer yet and I’m still searching for it. I still feel like a wanderer though, weak, thirsty and hungry, but after today’s message, I feel a little more satisfied. I may not always remember, but I know I can be weak mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually; However, I know I can be strong too & right now, after leaving church this morning, I was reminded of how strong I am. I may stumble, bruise and get cut, but I am strong enough that I will not break.

Afterall, this is just [Another Passing Moment]